Friday, July 22, 2016

salad /1

I'm going to update my assignment blog later this night, so I'm updating this blog first to get rid of unnecessary thoughts that may divert me from my purpose.

Spending the weekend at a friend's house. Nervous. Never did this before. Looking forward to the fun, however. We're going out tomorrow, so I'm trying to do as much work as possible tonight. The super sonic wifi is a major plus so maybe some downloading too hahahah. Will try to not overspend my already limited money tomorrow, but oh gosh she says there's seph at the place we're going and if I were to find the monte carlo I so badly want I might just swallow the regret whole and buy it.

That aside, I have recently come to the realization that it has been months (no idea how much exactly) since I last prodded my other self. Either because I have been too busy to spare some time or because I kinda am running away, I don't know. If it is the latter then I must be doing a good job because it totally slips my mind. Spending Saturday afternoon spurting words and twisting them into something deemed presentable. Once a week became once a month, now once a month became nothing at all.

Feeling envious of those who have the capability to do so. I know instead of lingering in this ugly feeling I should go ahead and start being productive. But it feels weird, going back like nothing ever happened when I have turned—dear God, I really have turned—my back on it. It feels like I'm betraying something. Tried doing mini projects just to keep the gears going, but truth be told now it feels like I am doing it for people instead of myself. Like there is a goal to be attained and expectation to meet, not an itch to be scratched or dirt to be cleaned.

Of course I have more, I always do, but for now this has to end here.
p.s. Very interested in stick eyeshadows. Royally screwed.

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